When spouses, family and friends are in the MAGA cult
After the 2020 election, many thought it was the end of Trump -- and the end of the Trumpist cult. But it's actually grown bigger.
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Alison from Los Angeles is one of many women who called my SiriusXM program after the 2016 election to express the turmoil they’d experienced because the men in their lives were committed Trumpists.
They were among many others callers who relayed tense conflicts — some of which boiled over into angry confrontations — with parents, children, siblings, friends and co-workers who were deep in the Trump cult.
Many of these people cut off communication with the Trump loyalists in their lives, unable to have any kind of interaction that wasn’t explosive, mostly because the Trumpers can’t be reasoned with, become enraged and promote propaganda. Others found ways to cope, imperfect as they were.
I eventually interviewed Alison and other women for a piece I wrote in 2019 specifically about Democratic women married to MAGA men — a piece that received a lot of attention and connected with many more people.
In Alison’s case it was her then-fiancé — the father of her twin girls — who had created chaos in their relationship as he became more immersed in the MAGA movement through the Trump years. His treatment of her was often demeaning, as he spun out lies and conspiracies. She realized there was no way they could marry, though he had to be in her life because they were parents to two children.
After the election, at the end of November, at around the same time that I posted a discussion thread here on the issue again, I connected with Alison, who reported that things had gotten a bit better.
He said he would accept [the] results of [the] election. Although he didn’t at first. He didn't watch [the] inauguration and he still thought for awhile [that] Trump was going to pull through. But at some point I was able to delete all the right wing crap off his Facebook and he stopped watching Fox. He may still occasionally watch a show here and there but we don’t talk politics at all. Nothing. He can still be a mean Trumper underneath and that's why I don't think we will have anything [together] as things slowly return to normal.
So, Alison knew they could never be together again, but there was hope that he was getting out of the cult and they could have civil interactions as things “return to normal.”
But of course things didn’t return to normal. Trump is more influential among Republicans than ever, the MAGA cult has become, well, more cultish. And now it embraces the 1/6 insurrectionists, defending their violent attack on the Capitol. In April of this year I connected with Alison again.
“The last couple times [we talked] we got into it [and] he called me a liberal/left wing cunt,” she said. “He accused me of training the girls to be nasty.”
The father of Alison’s children is as deep in the cult as he ever was. And so many other people have unfortunately found something similar happening with husbands, wives, parents, children, siblings, friends and co-workers. It’s almost like a switch dimmed the lights a bit, then went back on to full power.
A lot of people have written me in recent months asking for a discussion thread to connect with others going through the same stress. And there have been many callers to my show expressing similar sentiments.
So this is a thread for people to discuss how this has affected them and their families, friends and co-workers.
Are you experiencing something similar? Did people close to you seem to snap out of it, only to go back? Or was there never really a change at all? Maybe some of you have something hopeful to say as well — seeing someone leave the MAGA cult completely.
Please share your thoughts and experiences so others can connect.
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My wife laid a rule whenever visiting her relatives that no one would be talking about politics. Her US based relatives are all big Trump supporters, unable to have in depth policy discussions without resulting to insults, save her sister.
That's a hard one, considering my political background, and having written Donald Trump Explained, a Special Education Perspective of the Forty-fifth President detailing how an undiagnosed social and communication disorder impacted his ability to function as a typical adult should. My maternal uncle would no longer speak to me for over two years. Recently he asked one question, what was my book title about. My eldest sister's husband is completely down that conspiracy rabbit hole too, and is driving her and their kids nuts with his fascination. That means he is another relative I have to redirect, a skill I used frequently as a Sped teacher, but now as a MAGA familial whisperer. (hint: come armed with tons of sports and hunting talk)
My sister in law that I mentioned, is leaving her position as a NICU nurse, likely permanently as she refuses to get vaccinated. I am concerned that when she gets COVID (we all eventually will sadly) all her reasons that she decided based on Fox News lies, will be replaced with deep regrets, if she were to survive it. I just see it happening considering that she and her husband think its all made up, no big deal, and that the government can't be trusted.
I have been slowly trying to come to grips with my brother and the fact that he is a devout Trump follower - something I didn't realize until maybe 6 months ago and also something I would never have thought possible. I am pretty sure he was trying to hide it from me.
He is smart, educated, successful... the sweetest, most caring person you would have ever hoped to meet. I have 5 siblings but he is the one I was closest to. I thought I knew him. But he is different now.
He spouts all of the Trump bullshit and worst of all he is anti-vaccine and also pretty much anti-medicine at this point too. He has an incurable form of cancer that is in remission but he has been warned it will only stay in remission for so long. He is also diabetic and a smoker. Yet he refuses to get the vaccine.
I don't get it. When he was diagnosed with cancer, he wanted to LIVE. That's all he wanted. And so he underwent all the recommended treatments, allowing doctors to flood his body with poison multiple times a week for months. So that he could LIVE. And it worked - his cancer is in remission. He was so grateful - we all were.
Now he hates doctors. And he has become mean. I have never seen my brother "mean". He insults my sister who is a nurse involved in a campaign to get high school students vaccinated in her state. He recently moved to Florida (of all places). He thinks nothing of coming into town from Florida and showing up at my 80 year-old mother's house maskless, unvaccinated. My sisters, mother and I don't understand him. We are so worried and heartbroken. His 3 sons are following him in his actions because they look up to him. My brother, his wife and kids are the only ones in our family not vaccinated. They are the only ones not able to see the damage Trump and the GOP have caused and continue to cause. It's so strange.
I have had to distance myself from him. He is not to come to my house until and unless he is vaccinated. I hardly talk to him on the phone anymore because I just don't want to hear the crap that he spews (which he ultimately will even if you try to change the subject). I have tried to convince him to wear a mask when he visits my mother. My sister (who lives with my Mom) monitors that.
It is a very, very painful situation. My brother and I have always been so close. But I just cannot be around him right now... for my safety, the safety of my family and for our emotional well-being. The last year and a half has been so difficult. We just don't want to hear all the crap anymore, especially from family.